'Write Your Own Panto' is a book written for those who make pantomime and those who love pantomime.
For those who produce panto – whether amateur or professional – it is a reservoir of many favourite routines in a easy-reference format that will allow you to find that extra bit of nonsense or laugh line to add to your show.
For those who love pantomime it is an indulgence; a book full of memories of standard oft-used routines which continue to amuse successive generations of theatregoers.

Inside you will find a bumper collection of gags, stunts, sketches, jokes; all in an easy format …

  • The essence of Pantomime

  • One-liners and two-liners

  • More than one-liners

  • Stand-alone scenes

  • Ugly Sisters (& other Comedy Duo’s)

  • Front of Tabs Fill-ins

  • Running Gags

  • How to write Comic songs

  • Magic in pantomime

  • Narration and rhyming couplets

  • Visual & Clown gags

  • Panto Animals

  • Pantomime Music


    • …and all designed to make it easier for you to capture that special bit-of-nonsense or routine that will make your pantomime different!

    If you’ve never written a script before this book will guide you every step of the way – from story outline to finished script with comic songs, Dame routines, slapstick comedy, music and rhyming couplets in between. If you are an ‘old hand’ at script-writing this material will save you hours searching for that special bit of business - now you can ‘copy & paste’ a favourite routine or gag and drop it into your script – ready to use!

    'Write Your Own Panto' is an ebook downloadable and available immediately in .pdf format.
    This book can be yours in minutes for only £15.00.

    Please Note: After making a payment via Paypal you will need to click the link shown by Paypal to return to this site so that you can download the book. Thank you.


    Bonus!... A free Pantomime Script with every purchase of “Write Your Own Panto”

    THE ADVENTURES OF DICK WHITTINGTON.
    This is an easy-to-produce, flexible hybrid pantomime using familiar pantomime stories.
    It can last for any length between 45 minutes and two hours, it can be performed by fewer than ten players or can use more than thirty. Entire acts can be omitted without affecting the storyline and it can accommodate lots of principals if you have plenty of budding artistes.

    The story is told in several short and separate acts with only Dick Whittington and the Narrator providing the common link. Your copy is free with your purchase of ‘Write Your Own Panto’


    One-liners

    LANDLORD (To Widow Twankey) : You know how you’ve always wanted to live in a more expensive house. Well now you can - I’ve put the rent up!

    DAME : Youth is a wonderful thing. Pity it’s wasted on the young!

    DAME : She took him for bad or for worse but he was worse than she took him for.

    DAME : It’s good to see a dense crowd in tonight!

    COMIC : My wife is so dumb she went out window shopping and came back with five windows!

    DAME : I’m chaste - but not as often as I’d like!

    MOTHER (to JACK) : You’re about as much use as a chocolate fireguard!

    DAME : He was desperate for one of my dumplings. Said he was dying for one of my crusty cobs - or was it dying from one of my crusty cobs?

    HAREM LADY : That’s a nice dress. I wonder when that style will be in again?

    COMIC : When I was at school I was the teacher’s pet. He used to keep me in a cage at the back of the class.

    COMIC (In harem) : You can’t beat a bit of Turkish delight

    DAME : You’re the best audience we've had tonight! Put the bottles out when you leave - the air raid’s over now.

    MAGICIAN : I’ll just go and lie down for a spell... lie down for a spell.. oh, please yourself.

    COMIC : I used to be into Communism, then I slipped into Buddhism and now I’ve got rheumatism!

    More Than One-liners

    Ugly sister routine
    UGLY 1 : I take care of my appearance. You’re as old as you look.
    UGLY 2 : You could never be as old as you look.
    UGLY 1 : I’ve been told I have good taste in clothes
    UGLY 2 : Taste? I’ve seen crab dressed better.
    UGLY 1 : That’s a nice dress. Are you hoping to slim into it?
    UGLY 1 : Do you know, I went to the jumble sale but I missed that one.
    UGLY 2 : When you go to the beauty parlour do you use the emergency entrance?
    UGLY 2 : Where on earth did you get that dress from?
    UGLY 1 : (she names a local dress shop) It was one of their discounts.
    UGLY 2: Looks more like one of their discards.
    UGLY 1 : Anyway, do you like it? (She turns around to let her get a better look)
    UGLY 2 : Like it? It's absolutely terrible. It doesn't suit you at all.
    UGLY 1 : The saleswoman told me it matched my eyes. Perfectly. (She flutters her lashes)
    UGLY 2 : She was pulling your leg. That colour's not a bit like bloodshot.
    UGLY 1 : Anyway, I got it for a ridiculous figure.
    UGLY 2 : You can say that again!
    UGLY 1 : Oh you! I think you should wear the same thing you wore to last week's ball.
    UGLY 2 : I can’t do that! What kind of a fool do you think I am?
    UGLY 1 : How many kind of fools are there? (Ugly 1 sings ‘What kind of fool am I?).

    The book can be bought online for only £15.00

    Please Note: After making a payment via Paypal you will need to click the link shown by Paypal to return to this site so that you can download the book. Thank you.


    John Yates has worked in amateur pantomime for over thirty years as an actor, writer and producer. He has written pantomimes for most of the popular traditional pantomimes and currently runs a Community Drama Group in Cheshire. He has collected thousands of gags, skits, sketches, and comedy routines and has now put these together in a convenient reference book He also writes scripts for puppet plays and local concert parties.
    Write Your Own Panto and Pantomine Magic are © 2007 John Yates and may not be copied or reproduced in any form.
    All images used are believed to be in the public domain, if you feel you have copyright over any of them then please contact us.

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