Write Your Own Pantomime
Pantomime Pieces
Pantomime PiecesNEW ENLARGED VERSION
The 2nd enlarged edition of this popular book is now available.
Sixty pieces of pantomime nonsense ready for use in your next pantomime.
More brilliant ideas to enhance your next pantomime at no extra cost..
This is a collection of stand-alone comic routines, skits, gags and bits of nonsense that have been audience tested and are available here in a convenient form to help you with your pantomime writing or your next production.

If pantomime is about anything it is about breaking down the footlights barrier between the actors and those who have paid to be entertained.
The simple theme that runs through this collection of comic routines is the aim of conversing with the audience in order to promote audience participation

Whenever I'm writing a new pantomime script I am often looking for a new routine, a skit, a comedy gag, a funny scene or piece of slapstick humour to move the story or simply to cover a change of scenery or provide time to enable characters to change costume.

If you are a producer of pantomime you will sometimes want to accommodate a difficult scene change or to allow for some casting difficulty that the scriptwriter could not have foreseen.

If you recognise any of the above situations then this book may prove to be your best buy. It contains over thirty stand-alone comic scenes, gags, routines and pantomime nonsense to help you to create a successful pantomime script or a winning production.

Click Here to view samples from Pantomime Pieces
Sample 1 (Chapter 14):Daft cooking and slapstick routine

(Enter Cook and Simple Simon)
COOK:(To Simple Simon) Now come along. I want you to help me with some cooking
SIMPLE SIMON:I love cooking. What are you going to make?
COOK:I need to bake a cake.
SIMPLE SIMON:Can I help you? I love making cakes
COOK:You can go and get me some ingredients.
(Simple Simon exits and comes back with a little open box)
SIMPLE SIMON:Here you are. Look at them, eating away like there's no tomorrow. Are these greedy enough for you?
COOK:What are you talking about? What are they?
SIMPLE SIMON:Well you asked for some greedy ants
COOK:(Clipping Simple Simon around the ears) I said Ingredients, not greedy ants! Go and get me a little flour
(SIMPLE SIMON exits and comes back with a flower)
SIMPLE SIMON:Here you are. This is for you. A little flower
COOK:Not that sort of flower. Though a girl likes to receive flowers
(Cook takes the flower and puts it in a vase)
COOK:Now I need some currants, but I forgot to get some from the market. I think we'll have to leave the cake till later.
SIMPLE SIMON:I know where there are some currants. I'll get them for you
(Exits and then returns with some currents in his hand)
Here they are! Lovely currants!
(He tips them into the bowl)
COOK:You're a good lad really. I didn't think we had any.
(She puts some in her mouth)
I love currants. Where did you find them?
SIMPLE SIMON:There's a pile of them on the floor in the back of the rabbit hutch.
COOK:(Spitting out the currants). You horrible little person!
Look. You can help me knead the dough.
(Pulls out a roll of dough)
SIMPLE SIMON:Do you need the dough?
COOK:Of course I need the dough.
You don't think I'm doing all this for nothing?
SIMPLE SIMON:I don't mean need the dough.
(rubs his fingers together) I mean knead the dough.
(They both pick up opposite ends of the dough and they go into a slapstick routine as the dough stretches and then breaks off. His hand hits Cook in the face. Cook ends up with a ball of dough in her mouth and Simple Simon tries to remove the dough from Cook's mouth, etc.)
COOK:Will you stop messing about? Knead the dough into the pan
SIMPLE SIMON:Knead the dough?
COOK:Don't start that again
(Simple Simon lays the dough into the pan)
COOK:Now get me some water, will you?


Sample 2 (Chapter 19):Dame tries to seduce the Comic

This is a two-person flirting routine in which a lady (Dame or widow) is looking for a new husband. It works best if the man is a person in charge such as a chamberlain at the palace or the local squire.
(Comic and Dame enter from different sides of the stage)
COMIC:Ha! Just the lady I want to see!
DAME:If it's about the starch I put in your underpants, I'm sorry. That was a mistake.
COMIC:No, it's not about my underpants, but that's the last time I let you do my laundry
DAME:I only volunteered because I think you need looking after.
A bachelor's life is no life for a man of substance.
What you need is a good wife to help you.
Do you know, I've been thinking that we should get married?
COMIC:Don't be silly! Who'd have us at our time of life?
DAME:Well there is a certain lady here in the palace who wouldn't mind doing your laundry on a regular basis.
COMIC:I've not got time for such courtly dalliances.
I'm a very busy man.
DAME:Here, if I asked you for a kiss what would you say?
COMIC:Nothing - it's impossible to speak and laugh at the same time
DAME:Go on. It's been a long time since a man whispered something soft and gooey in my ear.
COMIC:OK then. Rice pudding!
(Dame gives him a huge hug and a long kiss)
COMIC:Here! Have you got no scruples?
DAME:It's OK I've been vaccinated!
Do you like my perfume? Its Coco channel
COMIC:(Wiping her neck and licking his finger)
I don't know about the cocoa - It tastes more like gravy browning.
DAME:Come on! You're just the type of man I'm looking for.
COMIC:What type is that?
DAME:Well you're breathing for a start!
I've had my moments you know. Only yesterday a man told me I was beautiful.
COMIC:Was that because you were kind to his guide dog?
DAME:Don't you think I'm beautiful?
COMIC:Well .... you're not what I would call beautiful exactly.
DAME:What would you call me?
COMIC:Well .... beautiful is not the word that comes to mind.
DAME:Pretty?
COMIC:Err ... not pretty. No, in fact to be truthful you're quite ugly.
DAME:That's rich coming from a drunken reprobate like you.
COMIC:Yes, I may be a drunk but in the morning I'll be sober!
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